T'was the night before Christmas

And all though the house,

Everyone felt shitty

Including the mouse…

Mom at the whore house,

Dad smoking grass…

I had just settled into

A nice piece of ass,

When out on the lawn,

I heard such a clatter,

I sprung from my piece

To see what was the matter

There, out on the lawn

I saw this big dick

I knew in a moment

It must be St. Nick

He came down the chimney,

Like a bat out of hell

I knew in a moment

That the fucker had fell

He filled all our stockings

With pretzels and beer…

And a big rubber dick

For my brother the queer!

Then he rose up the chimney

With a thunderous fart

(The son of a bitch

Blew the chimney apart)

He swore and he cursed

As he split out of sight:

Piss on you all

Have a hell of a night!”